Remember that post about A New Season of singleness and seeking my Savior, the one where I intended on diving into this new, unknown territory with a steadfast heart and focused mind…? Well, I blew it. Big time.
Last Sunday I found my hard, strong exterior crushed. With tears rolling down each cheek, I confessed to my closest, most-trusted friends what had ACTUALLY been going on with me since a recent breakup, job frustrations, and house hunting. My guilt and shame erupted as I listed off every wrong I needed to right. I confided in my closest friends and revealed the darkest parts of my heart:
I’ve been selfish, careless, and reckless. I’ve abandoned my quiet times and put Jesus on the back burner. I’ve lied and caused hurt. I’ve failed as a Christian, a daughter, and a friend. I’ve gotten frustrated, discouraged, and doubted. I’ve raised my voice and lowered my standards…I promised honesty, so you’re getting it.
Sure, I’ve had great days. Days where I triumphed and shined. Days where Jesus was on my lips and ruling in my heart. Days where every stranger got the most genuine smile and happiest “hello.” Days where love pumped through my veins and joy sparkled in my eyes.
But more often there were days where I walked in complete darkness. Days where I was uneasy and unsure. Days where I was weak and wanting more. Days where Jesus was forgotten, tossed aside, and ignored. Days where I consciously chose this world over Him
One friend sweetly replied with “We all fall.”
Just like that…we all fall.
But not me, no I don’t fall. I stay strong for my friends and family. I brush it off and keep going. I keep smiling. I lead Bible studies and blog about Jesus. I don’t have time to fall. I can’t afford to fall. I don’t fall–you’re laughing, right? So maybe I’m a little too hard on myself sometimes.
Moms, friends, sisters, wives, you are going to fall. We are all going to fall. For all have sinned and fallen short…
There are going to be days when emotions run high, anger overflows, attitudes erupt, and you just give up. There will be days when you make whopper mistakes. Days where you burn dinner, yell at the kids, and snub your husband when he gets home. Days where you procrastinate studying, throw a pity party, and phone Mom in tears. Days where you are all aboard the hot mess express. That. Is. Okay.
Give yourself a break and stop holding yourself to a standard of perfection.
We can’t be perfect, we can only seek our Perfecter.
When you royally screw up, immediately seek God. Share your mistakes and messes. Ask for forgiveness from God and support from your dearest [Christian] friends. Don’t hide in shame or guilt and become MIA, but instead claim His grace.
We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be a part of His plan.
He is waiting for you, ready to take your bad and turn it into good. He wants to transform our trials into testimonies and losses into lessons.
The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.
Wherever you are in the midst of your mess, know that you are not alone. We all have failing hearts, chaotic lives, and shameful souls. How we handle our falling is what matters most. I pray that you don’t hide in shame like I have done for weeks now. I urge you to instead draw near to our Father and allow His steadfast love to transform your fallen heart and mend your mess.